One and We’re done

The ink on my daughter’s birth certificate was yet to dry when the people around me started asking me when the next one was coming. The drill started at the delivery table itself when the doc, before exiting the room, said “See you soon with your next due” and I, just in that moment, wanted to run in lightning speed and never show up again. 

Having grown up with a younger sister and brother was amazing and kind of added shades of different colors to my childhood and this was exactly why I always wanted to have 2 kids. My daughter has turned 4 and yet it seems that I’m still not ready to go through all those long, endless nights and the diaper & feeding drill. While most of my friends, colleagues and family members were planning their 2nd, I somehow felt a constant peer pressure. But here am I, to state it clear, to the world and to myself “We Have One and We’re Done”.

Having two or more kids has been a norm of most of the families, especially in India, and I totally support that (as if I have a choice). But for me and my husband, we have an only child and we can’t imagine it any other way. And if you are in the same spot, here’s what you’ll totally relate to.

  1. Single child is not necessarily lonely
    “The first child that you have is for you and you plan the second for the first child”. I’m sure all of us have heard this at some point in time in our life. While I completely agree with the statement, I beg to differ on the “lonely” part. With the kind of lifestyle we have adopted these days, we can’t really say that the kids are going to stay back in their native place or country or with their relatives. They eventually will move out of their comfort zone and explore the world on their own terms. While the only child might have a very small social deficit in kindergarten, by middle school they would have as many friends as the other kids with siblings.
  2. It’s not our affordability issue that’s stopping us from have another child
    I totally believe that every child, with his/her birth, brings along his own beautify fortune. It has never been a matter of affordability or money in not planning for a second child. It’s just something that I and my husband have mutually decided.
  3. Carrier vs. Child
    Let’s just state it clear, my carrier definitely plays an important role in my life but it has nothing to do with the number of kids I have. All my roles, as a mother, as a blogger and as a business women are equally important for me and no one possesses the right to judge me on this (End of the matter).
  4. Sparing The Sibling Won’t Spoil My Child
    Yes, I have a child who has all my attention, love and care yet that doesn’t mean that we are spoiling her. Raising an only child gives you a super-close relationship with them and also the power to reinforce this bond in building their personality as a whole. A single child undoubtedly gets all the love and attention of the parents yet also understand the responsibility towards the parents as well. We as parents understand the limit of love, gifts, pampering and indulgence. We do not overload our child with stuff just to make sure that she is happy. Happiness has nothing to do with physical stuff and this is well explained by us to our child.

While we try to explain people our point, we still encounter a few suggesting “She needs a sibling”.  Like the other day when a lady at the school bus stop suggest to gift my daughter a sibling. I just simply smiled at my daughter and said, “Sweetie, while I can’t gift you a sibling, I surely can gift you a promise on this children’s day. A promise to be with you through thick and thin and to make to a strong, independent and a beautiful human being. Because you are one with the powers of many”.

“ You are one and you’re more than enough”.

27 comments

  1. Thanks Parul for pointing this out and letting people know that 2 kids complete a family. I have a single child and so happy with him. Ur points are bang on and nothing more could be said to it.

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  2. Having one or two or more is completely a couple’s choice. I was a single child but i have 2 kids and can understand the queries you are faced with as my whole life i was interrogated for why i’m alone.
    So just enjoy your time with your kiddo that is more important.

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  3. Very well said. Having or not having kid/s is completely the decision of the couple. I am a single child to my parents and have heard people say that i might be spoiled or over pampered but this is absolutely not the case!

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  4. Baby for a baby is surely not a game and option even. Given current lifestyle, kids like to have their space and freedom and I am not sure how this sibling this will work, Forget them, but upbringing of another human being is humongous task and lots of sacrifices go in as a mother in terms of career for sure. Agree totally for your every single thought penned here

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  5. It is your choice whether you have one or more child..What is important is how you take care of your kids.I am an only child and I feel it made no difference to my life because I had loving parents..

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  6. Having a child or more or even staying child-free is a couple’s choice. We can’t bring another human to Earth just for the sake of companionship or sibling bond. I agree with your thoughts Parul.

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  7. Well it is always a couple’s decision to have none, one ore more than one and nobody knows your situation/state of mind more than you know. You know I have two kids and things around me are opposite, most of my friends and family has one kid and looked up with a question in their eyes “how and why”.. Very well written points…

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  8. I know people being judgemental about our choice when it comes to number even gender of kids..when I have my second child as a girl again, people had adviced me that I should plan again and having a boy is must for family..I mean..it is just too much..I believe. having one of more kid is completely a couple choice and they can do whatever they want

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  9. Parul, kuchh to log avenge, logo ka kaam hai kenha. but in the end whatever suits you, your lifestyle, your priorities should be your decision. We should not feel pressurized to plan for a baby (first r second for third) just because people are asking us questions. They are not going to come and share our responsibility.

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  10. I agree with your thoughts. I am a single child and we have decided we only want one daughter. Having one or two kids is completely the choice of a couple. We cannot bring a life in the world to ensure they have a companion. It is like forcing your decision on the. Lovely read.

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  11. I really do appreciate your honesty in this post and I feel you about the peer pressure! I am happy with one child too but I’m beginning to see signs of change. I feel it depends on the personality of your first child- some kids are very happy being the only ones and thrive in that position, but some need/want the influence of a sibling- each child is different of course, I’m only speaking about my own!

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  12. It is so true. to have one, two, three or no child at all is completely a couple’s decision and if they both are on the same page pressure from relatives doesn’t matter. you have put it in words very well.

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  13. Having a single child or more than that or not having kids at all, is solely the decision of both the partners. One could have many kids and still they could feel lonely, not have that bond in between them. So, its not how many but how well you raise the kids. My elder daughter was a single child for more than five years and when we decided to have a second child, it was only because we wanted one and were prepared to raise her with the same fervor. I really liked how you have put forward so many strong points.

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  14. I’m happy u put this post up for those couples who are so under pressure n letting the society know that it’s not their duty to tell d couple to plan how many kids, come on get a life,mind Ur own businesses…

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  15. Strongly agree Having kids or not having kids, having one or two or more is solo decision of couples only, everyone has their own thoughts and stories behind to move their life accordingly and everyone absolutely free to take such decisions.

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  16. I feel strongly about the subject and your post covers most of my thoughts. How I plan my family should be my decision and not any relatives point of discussion…

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  17. I was nodding along the entire post as these are the exact arguments I give for having a single child. I feel it should be ONLY the parents choice and there’s no right and wrong here. Loved the way you have expressed it!

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  18. I have one daughter and she is 8 . To be honest , I would like one more but if it does not happen I still feel extremely happy and blessed . People talk and ask what our plan is for the second one , I just don’t let that bother me . I am content .

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