“Oh..!! You stay with your in-laws; how must that feel?” I often some across this statement from my followers on Instagram or even from a few friends living in a nuclear family. While staying with parents post marriage is considered as a burden on the parents in some countries; in countries like India, we address it as FAMILY. While the in-law game only seems to exist in case of a women, it definitely plays an equal role in a guy’s life. Having said that, I’ll only be talking from my (a girl’s) point of view today.
Ok, now like any other game, the “in-law” game also has a few rules but the only difference being that these are actually set by you yourself. So here are 5 of my “In-Law” rules.
Disclaimer: – While these rules have worked wonderfully in my case, they may not necessarily play the same role in the lives of some of you; while for a few it may sound good. So you just simply have to figure out what works the best for you.
So let’s get started……
You cannot have a parent-daughter relationship overnight.
Ok, so before you start spamming me with hate comments; hear me out first. A girl is born in another family and is raised for good (at least) 20 years in the culture, atmosphere and rules of her parent’s family. Wouldn’t it be absolutely unfair on our part if we expect the same culture, atmosphere and rules to work post marriage. Every family has their own set of rules and culture to follow. While it is important to respect your own way, it is also important to respect the new rules. It will definitely take some time to build an understanding with the new family members. There may be a difference of opinion but that happens everywhere, right? We do argue with our biological parents, despite of the fact that they know us since our birth. Then how can an immediate bonding and understanding be expected by the in-laws overnight? It is chief to understand that the other family members also try their best to make the newly wed bride comfortable in the new surroundings. The adjustments are from both the ends and that goes without saying. So if you wish to have a bonding with the new family like your old one and hold then at-par with your biological parents, give it some time and patience coz trust me, they would surely be doing that too.
Space is Important
While it is important to communicate with your new family members, it is also important to respect their privacy as you wish others to respect yours. As understanding needs time to bloom so does faith. It should be significant to respect the space of the members of the family. There might be a few matters that the family might just want to keep safe to themselves and not share; and that should be perfectly ok. Communication definitely works but jumping in any and every matter running in the family is kind of being disrespectful. If the matter is of any concern to you, keep faith, they’ll definitely share it with you. And if they doesn’t, believe that it might not be of your concern.
Never Play the Impression Game
Agree with it or not but we all (to an extent) have an urge of setting the right impression and being counted in the “good books” of others. And this urge is at its peak when we get married and enter a new house. Often, in this impression game, we land up coming out of our capability zone and this is exactly when we land up being on a wrong track. It’s better to say sorry beforehand than to say it after the damage is done. If something is out of your reach or capability to do, just be clear and vocal about it. Multi-tasking doesn’t come by birth, it needs a lot of time and practice. It’s ok if you can’t make a round chapatti, or a Michelin star dish because one day or the other you will ace it and even if you don’t that’s not the end of the world.
Fake Commitments Won’t Take You Too Far
Everyone has a comfort zone and they love to work within that. Stepping out of it at times may be a good idea but not always. You as a person know your skills and it’s important to make them clear to others as soon as possible. Always commit to what you can do and then never back out. Fake commitments will surely not take you too far and will also tamper your relationship with others. If a household chores are not your thing, it’s better to be vocal about it than to spoil the cake. Try learning the things before you declare yourself a pro. Go slow and the things will start falling in place.
Ok, before I take up the next point, let me clear myself out. I am not taking about any kind of violence, misbehave or unethical activity here. You should be extremely vocal about any such issue faced by you. It’s important to know that you aren’t a burden on anyone. You are self-sufficient and more than enough to smash down any violence or unethical activity against you.
What Happens in the house, stays in the house
Our parents are the closest to us and nothing in our life goes without being in their knowledge. While this stands true in most of the cases, it might not be a boon on a few occasions. As I said earlier, misunderstandings are a part of every relationship and most of the times this phase passes away quickly if the matter stays within the boundaries of the house. You, being in the situation, knows the best about it and that is exactly why you can be the best person to resolve the matters. When a fight breaks within the family, it often happens, get solved and then is (should be) forgotten. But the moment it cross the boundaries, it also somehow goes far away from solving in the near future. I truly believe that the misunderstandings grow with the involvement of more people. I simply stick by the rule of solving the matter first and talking or crying about it later. Because a puzzled or tensed mind can never find a solution. Also, when a tiny matter is discussed with many, the past or other matters are sure to dig out, exaggerating the whole thing.